Not Beyond Help

By Casie Dodd

Lancaster Dodd: Is this booze you make poison?
Freddie Quell: Not if you drink it smart.

Much has been said about leaving church. There are plenty of memoirs written by people raised in devout Christian homes who left the faith for various reasons: hypocrisy, abuse, intellectual disagreement. While this story can sometimes be told well, I worry that the voices who speak the loudest can overshadow others who don’t quite fit this narrative. Why must the natural conclusion, to many, seem to be to give it all up—to cut religion out of your life and universally dismiss its value? Why does so much of this process—whether labeled “deconstruction” or “falling away”—seem defined by negation? In addition to published books by former Christians of various stripes, online I’ve seen a number of people I would otherwise respect declare organized religion as “silly” or otherwise misguided. This lack of empathy makes me feel a little smaller and leaves me tempted to keep myself quiet. There is not enough space for people like me: who simply stopped going to church (for a time) because they no longer could but knew they still had to believe in something. But there are many of us: the halfhearted “exvangelicals” who resisted the term yet could not find anywhere new to build, or belong.

For several years, I tried to feel more comfortable around non-religious people than among the Christians who raised me. Coming from a place of deep hurt—like many, I suspect, who feel the need to make such agnostic proclamations—I needed to learn whether I could appear human to people outside of church. I never saw myself as experiencing a period of “doubt,” exactly, so much as one of trying to navigate the limits of how far grace could be discovered this side of heaven. Growing up (very conservative) Southern Baptist and spending college primarily connected to a (generally liberal) Presbyterian community before spending a year living with (all-over-the-place) Catholics, when the time came to “make my faith my own”—as I was always taught to do—I no longer had an easily decipherable guide. In each tradition along the way, I found glimpses of holiness while also encountering people who distorted or otherwise strained how I understood the role of the Church. Where my family saw me being “led astray” by the “wrong” kind of Christians, I simply felt I’d met too many of them to know where I fit anymore. And I carried wounds from people who meant to protect me that I could not possibly share with anyone. Unable to determine what to do with this conviction, I withdrew inside myself after conversations with spiritual mentors proved less than helpful: “You can’t just give up on it because you’re having a hard time.” “You just have to get up on Sundays, put yourself together, and go: you’re better than that.” In each case, they were partly right, but the lack of empathy did more damage than I think they could have realized.

It was around that same time that I started going to movies alone. In Chicago—where I lived and worked in a Catholic soup kitchen but almost never went to church—there was always an open theater, always something to see. That year, The Master (2012) premiered and when I saw it, I was transported. My conclusions were not what many seemed to suspect in my outward actions; I did not decide that institutional religion was inevitably cultish or misguided. Instead, the movie—aided by brilliant acting and a compelling, if at times confusing, storyline—provided an odd consolation that I would somehow eventually find my way back.

I needed to learn whether I could appear human to people outside of church.

For those unfamiliar with the Paul Thomas Anderson film, The Master follows Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix), a Navy WWII veteran left with PTSD and no support system as he attempts to find a place to belong after the war. After several missteps, he discovers a cult community, The Cause (loosely based on Scientology), led by “Master” Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), and they develop an intense friendship that bears difficult consequences for them both.

Freddie serves as an endlessly fascinating case study in our often-thwarted attempts to build community—religious or otherwise. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen The Master and it only becomes more powerful each time. Viewed from a limiting perspective—or in the case of some of The Cause’s members, with a warped religious attitude—Freddie seems “beyond help,” as Peggy (Amy Adams), wife of The Master, proclaims. Zealously committed to their movement, she becomes intensely antagonistic toward any perceived threat or attack, and for her, Freddie comes to represent the potential downfall of her husband. This attitude is not entirely without basis: Freddie is at best crass and at worst, violent and otherwise out-of-control. His introduction to Lancaster centers on the discovery of one of Freddie’s makeshift “potions,” as Lancaster calls them—alcoholic beverages concocted from whatever materials (whether safe to drink to not) that Freddie can find at hand. His previous attempts to share drinks with people he might care about—other seamen, an almost-girlfriend, fellow itinerant workers—have not ended well for him, so Lancaster’s affirmation becomes a critical opportunity for communion as Freddie’s own personal crises are reaching a breaking point. The Eucharistic overtones of such a drinking scene—two of which bookend a wedding feast—do not require elaboration. When Freddie and Lancaster initiate this bond, they become part of each other.

This connection, like all human relationships, is fragile. Freddie’s motivations seem unclear in some ways, though it appears that his desire for community—to be part of a cause (if not necessarily The Cause) is genuine. Almost without fail, his attempts to help contribute lead to disaster. Rather than discourage Lancaster, however, it only further fuels his conviction that Freddie needs saving. At the same time, as the story evolves we become increasingly aware of the ways in which Master himself reflects many of Freddie’s flaws. For example, Lancaster frames Freddie’s fixation on sex and brute physicality as being “animal,” a repulsive characteristic that he must help him learn to control—but we come to learn that Lancaster struggles with similar proclivities. All of his efforts to remain superior end in rage-filled outbursts or other unnerving signs that his supposed “peace” is not as strong as he claims. Is this hypocrisy? Abuse of power? Or does it enable him better to empathize with Freddie? Is it all of them? I’m not sure there is supposed to be a singular answer, which is one of the many complexities in unraveling the “mysteries” of faith.

Such signs of brokenness in The Cause only increase as the movie progresses, though refreshingly, Anderson does not give excessive attention to these parts of the narrative. We have enough real-life models to understand the warning signs: this is a “church” that will not ultimately save its flock. However, the fact that Anderson seems less interested in this aspect of the story than in the relationship between Freddie and Master—and really, most interested in how Freddie experiences it—signals where our attention should be drawn. It is not a story about abstract institutions, universal religious creeds, or even blind faith, but about how such forces become manifest in individual lives, and how we respond to them.

It is not a story about abstract
institutions, universal religious creeds, or even blind faith.

The film’s structure helps us navigate how we might follow Freddie’s journey. We learn several things early: Freddie’s service in the Pacific, his tendency toward crudeness, his “nervous condition” from the war. He appears untethered as he tries two completely different jobs—the first in a respectable department store, the second near the Mexico border as an itinerant farm worker. He is essentially without family, whether by death or by estrangement. Each of these layers provides a narrative that cannot be fully understood by someone focused on his outward behavior or his inability to conform to religious dogma. Though Anderson gives us an initial glimpse of Freddie’s sexuality in rather crass terms, we also quickly see him attempt an actual connection with a female coworker at the department store—he does respect her boundaries and shares one of his mystery concoctions with her, the initial sign for Freddie of an attempt at communion. Freddie is never presented as a simple deviant or a destructive force, but rather as a testament to how such forces have wreaked spiritual havoc on him. It takes time and attention to see these deeper human elements to Freddie’s problems—attention that only Lancaster seems fully willing and able to provide.

This connection between them is first depicted through what begins as an “informal processing” session, in which Lancaster asks Freddie a series of intimate questions that force him to confront his secrets and deepest anxieties. His honesty leads Lancaster to say, “You are the bravest boy I’ve ever met.” Freddie is many things, but he is always open with Lancaster—to a degree that makes him uniquely vulnerable to the problems related to The Cause. Whereas the other characters either passively follow their leader or become increasingly zealous about their mission, Freddie grows more committed while still struggling to fix the cracks in his humanity—a goal made only less realistic in the context of a cult centered on achieving human perfection.

At the same time, Freddie’s ability to read other people serves him well, even as it ultimately makes it impossible for him to remain a member of The Cause. This decision makes his brief reunion with Lancaster near the end of the film even more heartbreaking; the connection is no less real for its impossibility. They both sense this intuitively—communicating cryptically, with tears streaming down Freddie’s face as Lancaster croons a love song solo. More than anything, Freddie wants to belong—to be able to give back to Lancaster what he’s been given. The knowledge that he can’t brings him immense grief even as he hopes to build what could become a meaningful life of his own.

In that same scene, Peggy briefly confronts Freddie’s lack of devotion to The Cause. When she accuses him of looking unwell, Freddie becomes defensive and responds, “That’s not how I look. I don’t look like that”—not to disagree but to dismiss her belief that he could look otherwise. Then, asking him, “You can’t take this life straight, can you?” without a hint of compassion in her voice, Peggy dismisses his presence as “pointless” and leaves him alone with Lancaster. Seeing him as an obstacle to the movement—which increasingly seems to have become a cause that belongs more to her than to her husband—Peggy cannot see Freddie’s need. She misinterprets his failure to fit into their culture as a failure to believe in anything, as a threat to her community.

Our joys and struggles must be shared in order to simultaneously inhabit and transcend our own brokenness.

Perhaps she is right, but she’s also quite wrong. In the end, The Master leaves us with a clue for how we can understand Freddie’s spiritual evolution. After leaving Lancaster for good, Freddie wanders into an English bar, picks up a girl, and ends up in bed with her. Although it might appear crude or otherwise without much meaning, they are experiencing what seems to be true intimacy—a first for Freddie within the events of the movie. They are in it together, and he even begins asking her questions similar to that early scene between him and Lancaster. He shares a connection that does not negate his humanness but finds a way to commune with another person in a way he can express authentically. As in the case of faith, it cannot ultimately be experienced alone, even though it is an intensely personal experience. Our joys and struggles must be shared in order to simultaneously inhabit and transcend our own brokenness.

When I found myself moving closer to Catholicism, the process of conversion was both peaceful and painful—a magnetic force bringing me toward what I knew had always been my calling yet forced the loss of most of the faith I had always known. Much like Freddie knew he had to find something else that he could make his own, I have found that—once again, by the grace of God—within the Church. But I know the pain of wanting to shed the burden of belief. Like Freddie (and maybe Lancaster, too), I know how it feels to be hurt by the people who have also tried to help.

Casie Dodd lives in Arkansas with her husband and two children. Recent work has appeared in The Windhover, Oxford American, Front Porch Republic, Arkansas Review, and other journals. Based in Fort Smith, she is the Founder and Publisher of Belle Point Press, a regional small press celebrating the literary culture and community of the American Mid-South.