{"id":4062,"date":"2021-09-30T19:20:45","date_gmt":"2021-09-30T19:20:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/farefwd.com\/?p=4062"},"modified":"2022-03-06T20:30:53","modified_gmt":"2022-03-06T20:30:53","slug":"the-hardest-person-to-see","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/2021\/09\/30\/the-hardest-person-to-see\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hardest Person to See"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t

The Hardest Person to See<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

A priest and poet reflects on an anthology of poems as the entry point to help her young parishioners learn the art of self-examination.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

By Megan McDermott<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

In the words of poet Naomi Shihab Nye, poetry gives \u201cthis mood\u2026 this sorrow\u2026. this trouble\u2026 .a shape on the page.\u201d I shared this quote during a workshop I led for my parish youth group during the last Lenten season, which focused on the arts and creativity as a means of engaging in self-examination\u2014a key concept of Lent. While Shihab Nye meant to characterize the act of writing poetry, her words also apply to readers. Stumbling across the right poem can be like stumbling across your own feelings, doubts, and questions given shape; the right poem can make the vague, undefined, or lonely into something approachable. In turn, this self-realization can easily be intertwined with Christian spiritual practice; take, for example, the tradition of Examen, an evening prayer exercise that encourages practitioners to reflect on the events of the day, with an eye towards identifying and connecting with God\u2019s presence in their lives.<\/p>

The anthology You Don\u2019t Have to Be Everything: Poems for Girls Becoming Themselve<\/em>s, edited by Diana Whitney, provides ample opportunity for a reader to come face to face both with themselves and with those whose perspectives might differ. Whitney conveys this in the introduction, where she outlines the purpose of the anthology and, from her understanding, poetry in general:\u00a0 <\/p>

Unlike self-help or how-to books, poetry does not try to fix\u2026. It allows moments of intensity and moments of quiet reflection. It can mirror our shifting, intricate selves\u2026.. As you read… I hope you can embrace your own contradictions. I hope these poems offer some freedom from the restrictive oppositions of <\/em>good\/bad, smart\/stupid, hot\/ugly, sluts\/prudes, cool kids\/losers that the world imposes on us\u2026. May this book help you release the illusion of your own inadequacy. May the poems let you live into the complexity and fullness of who you are\u2014and who you are <\/em>becoming.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>

Though ushering people into vulnerability and complexity with love and grace is not always a strength of churches, it is yet a worthy Christian calling.

Thinking back on my own teenage years, my relationship with God was dominated by the fear that I wasn\u2019t good enough or \u201cChristian enough.\u201d This anxiety (nourished by many of the evangelical texts marketed to teenage girls at the time) distracted from the heart of my Christian faith: the goodness of God. Instead, Christianity became about my own goodness, or lack thereof.\u00a0 <\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

The idea of being in process is resonant with the adolescent experience, the human experience in general, and the Christian idea of sanctification.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

As Whitney suggests, these fears are not the exclusive domain of eager Christian teens, but are part of the broader adolescent experience; many young people are viscerally aware of all the ways they feel they aren\u2019t measuring up. Whitney\u2019s anthology sees poetry as one avenue where adolescents\u2014and even adults\u2014might experience liberation from the hurtful designations others place on them, or that readers might place on themselves.

The anthology seeks to capture eight essential human experiences: seeking, loneliness, attitude, rage, longing, shame, sadness, and belonging. Each section opens with an introduction by Whitney, which helps contextualize the poems that follow and make them more approachable for readers of all ages. Her reflections also further peel back the underpinnings of the anthology\u2014underpinnings we might call spiritual or theological.\u00a0

Take, for instance, Whitney\u2019s introduction to the anthology\u2019s final section, \u201cBelonging,\u201d which states: \u201cYou are already enough, these poets say. You belong. You belong to our beautiful, broken, bewildering, wondrous world.\u201d By priming her readers to look for these validations, Whitney predisposes them to approach the poems in a certain way\u2014reading for community and for affirmation of one\u2019s belonging and the beauty and wonder of the world.\u00a0

Of course, the real meat of the anthology comes in the individual poems, which represent a compelling array of styles and perspectives.

\u201cself-portraiture\u201d by Fariha R\u00f3is\u00edn thoroughly captures the spiritual goals outlined in Whitney\u2019s introductions. The poet states \u201cmy greed for love, \/ for my own perfection, \/ reeks of desperation, \/ but it is me and i am holy \/ in my unholiness, so \/ wonderfully messy, \/ that I can\u2019t help but begin to win myself over.\u201d The idea of winning one\u2019s self over\u2014despite or maybe because<\/em> of one\u2019s imperfections\u2014is a compelling spiritual concept. For me, it recalls the insight I first encountered in feminist theology: that, often, pride should not be considered the primary sin (particularly for women, those in other marginalized groups, and those marginalized along the lines of both gender and other identity markers). If we excise it too completely, we might instead sin through denigration of the self that God created.

\u201cHoly \/ in my unholiness,\u201d the words of a Muslim poet, are words we might hold up as a worthy interfaith declaration\u2014one I\u2019d be happy to hear any of the youth with whom I work declare about themselves (selves made in God\u2019s image, and selves that are both, to borrow a Lutheran framing, simultaneously sinners and saints).\u00a0 <\/p>

\u201cSurvival Guide\u201d by Joy Ladin similarly encourages readers to embrace themselves. The poem declares: \u201cNo matter how old you are, \/ it helps to be young \/ when you\u2019re coming to life, \/\/ to be unfinished, a mysterious statement.\u201d It insists we \u201cLearn to love the awkward silence \/ you are going to be.\u201d The idea of being in process is resonant with the adolescent experience, the human experience in general, and the Christian idea of sanctification\u2014growing in holiness over time. Instead of resisting the \u201cembarrassment of life,\u201d or the reality of being incomplete, Ladin\u2019s poem suggests that we ought to lean into this reality.

Ang\u00e9lica Mar\u00eda Aguilera\u2019s \u201cin critique of modesty\u201d joins these other selections to confront the ways teenage girls in particular are encouraged towards self-diminishment or self-denigration. Critiques of modesty are especially important for Christians to heed, since Christian uplifting of modesty and humility as virtues has often been done selectively and harmfully.\u00a0Responding to assertions that she should be more modest, Aguilera writes: \u201cI want to yell the way belligerent American men\/ do\u2026. I want nationalism for being \/\u2026. I want shirts with my own face on them… \/ \u2026. I want schools to make children recite an allegiance to me each morning.\u201d The poem ends with the desire \u201cto be seen everywhere \/\/ unafraid.\u201d This poem evokes bravery and a desire for visibility\u2014particularly in those readers who feel pressured to stay in the shadows. Bravery is a resource that God might cultivate in us\u2014that angels might call forth from us!\u2014and that is often required to fulfill God\u2019s purposes in the world. The desire to be seen, in contrast, is not one we might immediately identify as Christian, but it is one that Jesus fulfills throughout the Gospels\u2014whether he\u2019s spotting Zaccheaus up in a tree, seeing Nathanael under a tree before they meet, or recognizing truths about the woman at the well that others did not. <\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

While poetry may not be the only way to gather resources and inspiration on our journey to learn and live love, it is a worthy way nonetheless.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

In addition to illustrating self-realization and encouraging self-love, a number of poems speak to liberation in ways that are both specific to a particular experience and evoke broader lessons for those who might not share in the same identity.\u00a0

\u201cBut They Say I Will Not Make It\u201d by Rachel Wiley begins with the poem\u2019s speaker claiming fatness and naming the ways that others speak death and doom over them because of their weight. As the poem progresses, Wiley conveys a defiant embrace of life, declaring \u201cat any given moment\u00a0\/ some wild spark \/ is gonna blow me sky high\/\u2026 maybe this is why I love the way I do \/ with teeth and swallow and song and snarl \/ and water and sparkle and consequence.\u201d Wiley transforms the criticism of others\u2014that the poem\u2019s speaker can die at any moment; a statement that emerges from fatphobia and ignorance\u2014into something life-giving, and connects it to the speaker\u2019s vibrant embrace of the present. This transformation of hateful, death-focused proclamations into positive ideas is reminiscent of resurrection\u2014the capacity of God, and faith, to turn suffering into life.

Meanwhile, poet Kayleb Rae Candrilli, in \u201cOn Crescents & Transition & Waning,\u201d captures the feeling of coming home to one\u2019s self through transition\u2014specifically, through top surgery; \u201cMy body shrunk \/ to its new original\u2026..I can look at my life more \/\/ closely than ever,\u201d the poem reports. This phrase \u201cnew original\u201d\u2014contradictory on the surface\u2014brings up the truth that sometimes we must change, or proactively seek change, to live into the fullness of who we have always been, or could be.\u00a0Again, a poem of new life, hope and possibility.

While many of the works might be termed poems of affirmation, You Don\u2019t Have to Be Everything<\/em> has a broader range than just<\/em> affirmation alone. Andrea Gibson\u2019s \u201cNo Filter\u201d demonstrates the act of confession\u2014comparing the perfect self \u201con instagram\u201d to the self who has done things wrong.\u00a0The poem makes plain one of the speaker\u2019s shameful acts of middle school cruelty. The inclusion of works like \u201cNo Filter\u201d makes the anthology\u2019s freeing ethos multi-dimensional; there is liberation in the assertion of one\u2019s holiness\u2014as other poems state\u2014and also in revealing the extent to which we sometimes fail to respect our own holiness or that of others.

Taken altogether, the overarching themes of the anthology seem almost summed up in the penultimate poem of the collection, \u201cFlowers #3\u201d by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza, which states, \u201cLearning to love myself takes forever \/ and it never ends.\u201d You Don\u2019t Have to Be Everything<\/em> embraces the ongoing process of learning to love the self with all its beauty and flaws by providing poetry to accompany and nurture that endeavor. This undertaking is part and parcel of the task Jesus calls us to: loving our neighbors as ourselves. While poetry may not be the only way to gather resources and inspiration on our journey to learn and live love, it is a worthy way nonetheless, and one to incorporate alongside other means of nourishing and developing our spirits. <\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

Megan McDermott<\/strong> is an Episcopal priest and poet living in Western Massachusetts. In 2018, she graduated from Yale Divinity School with a Masters of Divinity degree; she also earned a certificate from the Yale Institute of Sacred Music, an interdisciplinary program dedicated to religion and the arts. Megan first studied creative writing and religion together as an undergraduate at Susquehanna University. Her poetry has been published or is forthcoming in a number of publications, including\u00a0<\/em>The Christian Century, <\/em>The Cresset, <\/em>Relief, <\/em>Rock & Sling, <\/em>The Windhover, <\/em>Amethyst Review, and\u00a0<\/em>Psaltery & Lyre.<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A priest and poet reflects on an anthology of poems as the entry point to help her young parishioners learn the art of self-examination.
\nBy Megan McDermott<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4063,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_header_footer","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"ocean_front_end_style_editor":"no","ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[48,10,62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4062","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-archives","category-essays","category-issue-13","entry","has-media"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farefwd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/504px-Jacques_Franc%CC%A7ois_Delyen_-_Self-portrait.jpg?fit=504%2C600&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4062","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4062"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4062\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4072,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4062\/revisions\/4072"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4063"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}