{"id":10488,"date":"2024-12-29T23:07:04","date_gmt":"2024-12-29T23:07:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/?p=10488"},"modified":"2025-04-23T14:52:05","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T14:52:05","slug":"i-dont-know-how-to-write-this-but-ill-try","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/farefwd.com\/index.php\/2024\/12\/29\/i-dont-know-how-to-write-this-but-ill-try\/","title":{"rendered":"I don\u2019t know how to write this but I\u2019ll try"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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I don\u2019t know how to write this but I\u2019ll try<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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By Justin Lacour<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Okay\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 twenty years ago \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was driving through New York state \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 on the Fourth of July\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 looking for a party I never found \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 there was this highway shrine \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 so I pulled over \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 why \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 half guilt half curiosity \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 the flock of devotees \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and back then I had time \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 more time than I have now \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 so I could stop and stare \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 at the little grotto with candle racks\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 holy cards \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 statue of the teenage mother \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 hands clasped eyes lifted to heaven \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 forgive me \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 people were laying photos of their dead at her feet \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and I thought of you \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 you weren\u2019t dead just living in the city \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I opened my wallet \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and wedged a photo of you between two candles\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 not a recent photo \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 you were twelve in your dance recital costume \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 all long hair and spandex and sequins\u00a0 and what was I thinking of \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 not the beam in my eye\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 back then I drank till the room went black \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 but I worried\u00a0\u00a0 over you\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 you had a job where men\u2019s fantasies of pain came true \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and somehow we believed\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 we were still free\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 that our choices hadn\u2019t swallowed us\u00a0 I said a Hail Mary for you \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 when I should have said one for us \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 for humility \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 for Our Lady of Yes and Never No \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 to help\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 to stand between us and the dark winds \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 that had battered us both<\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Justin Lacour<\/strong> lives in New Orleans with his wife and three children and edits Trampoline: A Journal of Poetry<\/em>. His first full-length collection, A Season in Heck & Other Poems<\/em>, is forthcoming from Fernwood Press.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“I don\u2019t know how to write this but I\u2019ll try” by Justin 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