Watch With Me Awhile
Courtney Ellis’s parallel story of birdwatching and grief shows the value of birding both for itself and for the virtues of staying and waiting it cultivates.
Review by Emily Carter
I might easily be mistaken for a birdwatcher. After all, I love being in nature, and I love birds. I feel strongly connected to God during quiet moments among the trees or near the water. But the patient attention required for birdwatching hasn’t been my go-to mode for engaging with creation. Instead, during slow days at the office, I daydream of hiking over the mountains of the Northeast, covering as many miles and gaining as much elevation as my legs can manage. My relationship with the outdoors is conditioned significantly by my own ability to move fast and achieve. Brief pauses to appreciate my surroundings punctuate days of breathless activity.
Looking Up is a welcome and much-needed invitation to slow down and observe. Author Courtney Ellis explores her newfound practice of birdwatching in parallel with the story of her grandfather’s death. A Presbyterian pastor, she is no stranger to life and death, to hope and grief—nor to seeking the deeper spiritual realities behind our everyday experiences. Each chapter unfolds another step through her journey of loss, while also introducing a new bird species with which Ellis has had the opportunity to spend time.
Ellis calls us to pay attention to the world around us and to ourselves, and through those disciplines, to pay attention to the God who made it all. Birdwatching involves a still patience, a readiness to accept what the world offers, a willingness to be present in the time and place one finds oneself. This practice confronts Ellis with her inability to control the world around her, as she is powerless to force the birds she hopes for to arrive any earlier than they choose. Until suddenly, from outside her control, she is greeted by wonder as they arrive in a flash.
Ellis demonstrates by example how the practice of birding trains people to face the ups and downs of life. We all know the impulse, when we face challenges and suffering, to shy away from what we’re experiencing. Though the potential boredom and distraction that might accompany birding is a dull counterpart to the sting of grief, the practice nevertheless cultivates in Ellis the virtues of patience and gratitude, among others, which prove spiritually nourishing across the full range of life’s experiences. Birding is not only a source of great joy and connection with God, but also a relatively low-stakes training ground that develops her into the sort of person God is inviting her to be.
The same God who delights in the birds delights unflinchingly in us, even in our darkest hours
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After all, the natural world reveals much about the One who made it. By honing our attention through the focus of birding, we can learn to appreciate the details of creation that we discover right in front of us, and to know that we are joining God in his enjoyment of the world he has made. And as we better understand a God who delights in his creation, we also gain new insight into our relationship with him. The same God who delights in the birds delights unflinchingly in us, even in our darkest hours–just as he is pleased to sit with the birds, God sits with us through our pain. Although we may long to understand why God allows suffering to permeate our lives—why God doesn’t rush to solve our problems and remove trials from our paths—what we find instead is the mysterious voice from the whirlwind proclaiming that despite everything, God is here. God is always with us. The God who walked the way of Calvary knows pain, is right beside us in it, and finds us no less lovable when we join him on that way. When we suffer, we often turn away from our own experience, trying to numb or deny our pain one way or another. God does no such thing, sitting with us and hoping for us that we might sit with our pain too, and that we might open ourselves up to him through this experience. In this life, we may not receive a final and satisfying answer to the problem of evil, but Ellis guides us toward a faithful response: offering our loving and attentive presence to God, to his creation, and to ourselves.
In a world of ever-increasing distraction and activity, Courtney Ellis’ meditation on paying attention deserves our notice. Looking Up serves as material for spiritual reflection best worked through slowly and prayerfully: the lessons she offers cannot be digested in summary. Although one could attempt to distill her reflections into a couple bullet points, engaging with her work on the surface level is of no benefit. Like the Scriptures, and like all good spiritual writing, Looking Up can transform the readers who immerse themselves in it, engaging in the practice of reading with the same intention as birders engage in the practice of birdwatching.
This is not to say that I renounce my love of intense outdoor activity. Had the Teacher been exposed to such pastimes, I have no doubt he would have affirmed that there is a time for birdwatching and a time for peakbagging. But I walk away from Looking Up a little more aware of how I’m using my attention, and of the value of sitting quietly with the beauty of creation and with the struggle of human existence.
Emily Carter is an Episcopal priest in the Hudson Valley. She loves mountains and her partner, Phoebe.
Looking Up: A Birder’s Guide to Hope Through Grief was published by InterVarsity Press on April 9, 2024. Fare Forward appreciates their provision of a review copy. You can buy a copy from the publisher here.
